on the brink of the Jordan

heartache. my heart ACHES to be in Galilee today. Throughout last year past Forge students would visit us and say some version of, "Israel. You're going to Israel... I'm so jealous... I want to go back." And something inside of me didn't understand and really doubted that I would ever feel that way. I'm such a homebody... longing for some other place just didn't seem very "me."

nope. I LONG to go back. Its a longing like I've never felt. I'd love to go sit on Mt. Arbel for awhile today and then take a trip to the Jordan River (with a falafel stop in-between, of course). I think what makes this yearning so strong is the fact that I am reminded of those lessons every single day as I go through God's word. It wasn't just a vacation that I have memories of as I flip through pictures... no, its a part of the living word of God.

have I mentioned yet that you should go???

Today I was reading in Joshua 3 about the Israelites crossing the Jordan. I know that every single person on our trip could say that our visit to the Jordan River was something they will never ever forget. There a few people from our trip were baptized, including my friend JP. Here's the deal though, JP is terrified of water. Its a big deal for him to even step into water. But we all watched as JP struggled through obedience and was fully baptized in the Jordan River. It was a picture I'll never forget, that obedience is scary, extremely counter-intuitive, and sometimes the hardest thing you'll ever do... but God still calls us to it, and so we submit.

I think about those men who carried the ark of the covenant into Jordan, believing that God would provide a way to pass. I wonder what their inner narrative was like? The Jordan has a seriously harsh current, we were given VERY clear instructions to only go so far so that we wouldn't get swept under. But those men stepped in, believing that God would move. They were instructed by Joshua to act, and they did. I wonder if they ever questioned their leadership... or were ever just waiting for a chance to prove Joshua wrong? I mean, these WERE the Israelites for crying out loud.

Earlier in Joshua 3:7, the Lord says to Joshua

"Today I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, that they will know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you."

Joshua didn't have to demand leadership though, God exalted him. So often when we feel insecure about our position, status or leadership ability, we try to climb our way to success. If I don't feel like I'm awesome, I sure can try to do all the right things to make myself seem awesome. But really, God didn't design us to create our own little towers of awesomeness. In our messed up world, my own success isn't fail-proof, anything can happen to take it all away. If we are to be exalted its supposed to be his doing, and for his glory.

This punched me in the gut big-time today... when I feel insecure about my leadership ability or my influence, do I respond with obedience or by trying to prove my worth?