Neverland- Minor Piano Variation

Sometimes I feel like I am an extremely lame person. But then I just have to remind myself that I simply cannot judge my lameness against other people's coolness. yep. I'm just not going to be as cool as you. at least not in the way you are cool.

This has been something that has been on my mind lately. How much of myself, truly is myself? I feel like I'm fresh out of creative, Lacey-only uniqueness without feeling rather lame. I see other people do cool stuff and I'm like "oh! thats neat, I'll try too!" and i feel like i find a way to make it my own, but really it was never mine to begin with. Does that make me strikingly unorginal? Where did my Lacey-ness go??? Maybe it got lost somewhere in this big "find yourself and who you are" mindset of the college world. On the way to finding out more about me, I'm becoming more and more like those around me. A chameleon of sorts, blending more and more. Do I want to blend? I mean, I'm not changing my moral standards or who God has called me to be, but my tastes, my tendencies... my attitudes? Without the people around me that influence me the most, what do I look like? Who am I alone? These are the questions of now. I'm so happy with who I am, and I am proud of the choices I make with my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm having no big identity crisis here. I'm just realizing more and more my personal need to let some of my inner Lacey out without fearing what people will think. I need to create more of ME not just my spin on what others are doing.

So this is where I'm at.
- I am BIG fan of the color pink.
- I love pictures. especially of sentimental things. A picture can make me cry faster than anything.
- Sometimes (often) I act like a child. but really i'm quite mature when it comes down to relating to other people.
- I love to listen, but might not always know what to say. usually then I pray.
- I am OBSESSED with Pine Cove. like really. I'm so not over it and I'm beyond pumped about next summer. its going to be different and i'm excited.
- I love to read kids books. I mean, I will read things that challenge me and make me think more about my faith like The Shack, but really, I like novels. I really don't like philosophy. AT ALL.
- I really like looking nice. like doing my hair and makeup. yeah, maybe its shallow, but its not like a requirement for me to leave the house. i just like looking put together. and I'm a big fan of new clothes, but i'm not picky about where they are from. walmart is my friend.
- chick flicks are awesome. they make me squirm with happy anticipation of my fairy tale. and i know that love isn't perfect and my love story won't look like Sleepless in Seattle but I still like the concept. However, Braveheart, James Bond and Lord of the Rings are equally as awesome as chickflicks. i don't own many, so my collection looks uber-girly.
- I am on facebook way to much. like to a disturbing degree because people intrigue me. but now i know a lot about others from facebook and not from talking to people. awkward.
- Hannah Montana is consistently on my playlist. so is Ashley Tinsdale. deal.
- I like following authority and I like rules. I like my schedules and lists and I like to follow them. but more for the sake of organization, rather than rules for rule sake. i break my own rules often.
- I'm not a fan of disorganization. chaos is not my friend, it makes me really uncomfortable. but i LOVE chaos kids. when kids are handled well its an organized choas that i thrive in.
- I'm terribly uncomfortable around people my own age. I can make conversation with adults and kids, but not with my peers. I would much rather let you come up with something to talk about.
- Cake is probably the best food on the planet. and pita chips.
- I want to travel and teach all over the world, but it scares me.
- my best friends mean the world to me. although I know a lot of people I need the stability of my closest friends to know that I have people to consistently count on. I'm an otter, but not that much.
- I love to decorate, but I'm pretty cutesy about it. I mean, hello. my room is rather intense. I like matching things.
- Im NOT joyful in the morning when I first wake up, but pretty much the rest of the time I am. I'm excited about life and my joy comes from God not my circumstances. So if I seem really excited to see you, you can bet that its genuine.

and now its time to go eat. the end. thats a little bit of my heart right now. haha.

I went to go look up my most played iTunes song and it was "Neverland- Minor Piano Variation." and that began this really long (and still continuing) realization of ME.