push it to the limit

Yesterday I felt like SUCH a Mom. You would too, sitting at McDonald's for two hours while the kids play, surrounded by the PTA, while reading "Setting Limits with your Strong Willed Child."

discipline hurts. so much. and I'm SO bad a being disciplined, well at least disciplining myself. Confrontation from another person, I'm all ears (painfully) but I'm so bad at holding myself accountable. From working out, to being diligent with school, eating right, to guarding my mind... I'm such a failure. This week has shown me how VITAL community and accountability is. The truth is, very few of us are naturally good at boundaries and discipline. As children, we test and test and test our parents to see what rules hold and which don't... and if its not consistent, well the rule must not apply.

This week T1 is majorly struggling with my discipline and WHOA its been a roller coaster. One day was particularly awful full of tantrums and really mean accusations, like almost 2 hours worth of screaming child. I can shrug off his mean words, but where my frustration peaked was the feeling that I'm not causing ANY change at all. After really getting on the same page with the parents, the next day was awesome. SO respectful and so obedient. The heavens parted and my summer looked saved. Two really fun days in a row, even in the rain... and I read "Setting Limits." Its SO much like Boundaries, but for parents of kids. I really really wish I would've read this book before senior counseling last summer, it would've made my life SO much easier. I didn't know how to to discipline at all.

Today I got to put the setting limits thing into motion, hardcore. and DUDE he's not loving it. In the process of picking up one of the flower beds and pulling weeds I've heard EVERY excuse as to why its not possible right now.

"Ms. Lacey I need to set up the mister so that I can stay cool" -no. you will be fine with a glass of water.
"Ms. Lacey, there are fire ants" -Well here are gloves and bug spray.
"Ms. Lacey, I don't know what a weed is" -This one is a weed. This one is not. Don't do weed.
"Ms. Lacey, I think I need a break" -Not until you are finished and then you may have a break.
"Ms. Lacey, do these tiny rocks count?" -Is it a rock? Then yes.
"Ms. Lacey, when you said 45 minutes, does that mean 30 and then 45?" -What??? NO.

ENOUGH of this procrastination. I set a timer and the jobs gotta be done in the time limit.... we'll see. If not, time OUT.

As frustrated as this makes me (and him) I know that in the long run it will be worth it. He'll know that I'm serious and he'll get time out every time that he argues. T1 could EASILY be a defense lawyer, starting tomorrow.

The thing is, without me or his parents to be there T1 wouldn't change his actions at all. He'd have no reason to, no guidance, no one standing there with a timer to keep him on track. Why in the world do I think that my feeble maturity can be molded without the same kind of guidance? We would never expect a child to discipline themselves, no matter how compliant the child might be.
Discpline might hurt, but for it to be effective theres gotta be someone there to guide you. The best intentions in the world still won't hold you accountable. They just dig you into a guilt hole. Thats the beautiful thing about good community, accountabilty doesn't necessarily mean guilt, it means putting you back on track and pointing out the issues. T1 never gets guilted with the "setting limits" model, thats making his misbehavior personal and its not about me.... its about him learning what is acceptable and whats not. Same for me.

so while I type this I'm watching as T1 is angrily putting rocks in a wheelbarrow and pulling weeds (not my punshiment, I'm just the warden) while glaring at me every 3 minutes.

the door opens AGAIN...
"Ms. Lacey. When is my snack?"
-not now T1. and stop glaring at me. you have 26 minutes to finish.